Dear World
It starts out harmless… I wanted to sit down with my mother
and discuss the date I have set for my breast reduction.
Now it didn’t really dawn on me
that I had been moseying about my merry way, going to doctors’ appointments and
consultations with my wife, without ever mentioning it to my mother. I forgot
that the reason I was keeping such a large milestone in my life to myself was
because she is Old World European. In my case, a OWE is a 1950’s passport
carrying babushka from Hungary, who still believes that men should be the sole
bread winners of a family and women stay home and cook.
Clearly the "man" part
was never happening, though she got over that after six years. So I foolishly thought that
reducing my bust would be a cake walk conversation….I.Was.Wrong ! Her brain
could not get over why a woman would want to take away “god given breasts that
men deserve to have”.
A snake bite on my face would have made more sense than that comment...
After an hour of going through the procedure and
explaining that I was trying to alleviate pain that has been plaguing my back
for years; she cracked. What spewed out was the most nonsensical gibberish
since a crazy TA attending a teachers conference I spoke at stood up and said
that “ Catholics love gays…you just can’t admit you are one”. Long story short…
I ended up taking off my shirt and bind to show her that my bust had been carefully
concealed for years; her response was “breast feeding will be good for you baba”.
Tips:
11) If
you have a mother over 50, and she is from A European country: Don’t be
discouraged by her inability to grasp certain situations.
22) If
you’re experiencing major pain or discomfort from the size of your breasts;
consult a doctor because treatment and/or reduction surgery could be covered.
33) Love
life, Live to love; especially yourself :D !
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